So, I’m late as hell to the Globes watching. This BW had some other things to do but I’m back. And I’m gonna attempt to make some comments on what I’ve seen so far. But first let me make clear one thing: I kinda HATE the Golden Globes. They are the Walmart of award ceremonies. They’re so affordable anyone can buy one. And anyone can get nominated. So there. Why blog about it? Cause there’s very few black people and because everyone gets so drunk it’s entertaining just because of that.
Okay, so Mo’Nique: that’s a cute outfit (although it looks like curtain drapes, bygones.). And good speech. But let’s do better with the weave ponytail. Cause it didn’t quite match. Future blog post on why the most heartfelt award ceremony speeches are always by BF and international folks. And, Gabby: wrong color baby. Wrong color for a DSBW. You looked too much like a tree in the forest. No, no, no. And I think I’d like to see you in a nice bob. All that hair is too much.
And, blah blah blah…until Michael C. Hall wins. That’s when my screening buddies both went “AWWW’ because the man who recently battled cancer and won somehow made it all the way up to the stage. ::rolls eyes:: Suckas. Although, he is awfully attractive on his show.
Blah, blah, blah…Ricky Gervais tells another good joke…Julianna Marguiles wins a GG (wth?!) and makes a dig at NBC (easy, fun targets). And she wore a combo exercise top and sequin lined dress skirt. ~Hot~
Can I just skip to Harrison Ford? I am so scared that he’s gonna have a stroke because of the way he’s standing up and presenting. Calista needs to go get him and pull him down before he gets overheated. His reading is making me nervous as hell! His ass is old, let us remember(I’m not kidding. Somethingt is WRONG with Harry.).
Little break to say: how many splashes of champagne can one have before they sound so silly onstage? Kevin Bacon, Morgan Freeman sippin that sizzurp. Y’all be careful now. You don’t want people thinking you’re like Miss Mimi do you?
Drew Barrymore: What’s up with the porcupines on your shoulders and waistline? It’s like a cross between the spiky animal and a plush slinky. What the hell?!
Cameron Diaz: I know you just had your botox and Restyline done, but please, matte that shit down. You and Joan Allen and Nicole Kidman other WLs, hey there? Let’s take that down a notch. And while I’m at it, Fergie, you look like you fell in a trashdump before you came. Don’t let Josh Duhamel do that to you.
And also while I’m at it: what’s going on with the cameramen and the directors on this shindig? I mean, Ricky Gervais is speaking and there’s these wicked swishpans to random members of the audience. Seriously is the Moet in the directors room? Let’s stop the drinking.
Jennifer Garner: It’s not 1995. Quit the teasing with your hair.
Maggie Gyllenhaal: A little tipsy. And a little drunk. And encouraging us all to give a little bit of money to Haiti…even as her nipples become more and more visible.
Anna Paquin: What the hell? Why did you take a gold, sequined, lame dress from 1986′ special edition of Solid Gold and put it on backwards taking out the zipper so you could fit your medium sized boobies in it? TACKY. Stella Mccartney or no, that’s a mess.
Michael Haneke: In the words of my screening partner, Kevin, “No crazy foreigner, you don’t exit the stage that way.” Poor, brilliant Michael Haneke.
Chloe Sevigny: Your dress curtains are held up by two invisible strings. That shows just how nutty you are. But I love you Nikki!
Christopher Plummer: Roommate: “He’s almost dead!” Yes, yes, he is dear roommate.
James Cameron and his hair wins best director. And he did NOT just use his fake language to speak to his cast. Um, I thought you had to pee some fierce?
Halle Berry: HAWT. I want that hairdo. But my BW hair isn’t able to do her BW hair. A subject for a future blog post to be sure.
And, now, a compliment: Reese looked BEAUTIFUL. Breaking up with Ryan wasn’t that bad, huh?
Gov. Schwarzenneger, why can’t you pronounce your “v’s”? It’s Avatar NOT friggin AMATAHHH. Capisce?
Sandra Bullock beat Gabby Sidibe? WHAT. THE. HELL. And then she said her bit about the Tuhey family…y’all already know how I felt about that so I’m not gonna belabor it. But just imagine my face…
I love me some Robert Downey, Jr. This BW loves her some RDJ. If he ever sees me in public, he better run the opposite direction. I’m just sayin…
Jeff Bridges’ wife looks just I hoped she would. A young(er) version of Kathleen Turner.
Julia Roberts needs to go back to Taos, New Mexico and play with the horsies. And what happened to her teeth? They’ve always been horse-like in size but now they’re chiseled. And your hair? And that outfit? And that 1970s medallion? Honey, let us all go. Please. We need to quit you.