What’s funny is that I think we BP have become so indifferent to seeing ourselves on soaps (I mean the first BW with a recurring role was like in 1968 or something) that we found other things to be drawn to. Like crazy white people drama. My theory is that BW love soaps because it helps us understand how white people think about themselves.

Here’s another hypothesis. BW love soaps because of guest appearances by “icons” (the scare quotes are there for a reason) like Timbaland and Snoop Dog. Somehow, those celebrities meld the real world with the fictitious world of the soap and just make us BW salivate. At least, that’s how it seems the logic is working. Snoop Dog is returning (yes, returning in the sense that he made a prior appearance) to One Life to Live. He will be playing himself and rearranging the traditional OLTL theme song.

There's something that's just not quite right about Snoop shaking hands with Bo Buchanan. It upset me a little bit.

 Oh this logic is holding on because more than 40% of the audience watching soaps are BW (my guess is that is also why many soaps that rely on advertiser support like The Guiding Light and As the World Turns–both owned by Proctor and Gamble–have already or are in the process of being cancelled. BP demos aren’t desirable. Sighs.). If we all are watching then somehow we really want to see Snoop on our stories. Hell to the no. The more I think about that dumb ass logic the madder I get. Why the hell would any of us want to see Snoop on a soap opera? I don’t care if he loves the stories or not. He needs to go back to his reality show and try to repair his…nevermind.

Nope, I don’t want to see Snoop but I would like to see some more black characters on the soaps in KEY positions. You must specify what you want when it comes to Hollywood logic because otherwise they’ll have like 5 black extras during Black history month who never say anything but who find the water fountain behind the main action EXTREMELY interesting. Key positions on the soap means that somehow they are connected to one of the major families. And that is apparently asking for alot.

For example, where is Mamie from Young and the Restless? Remember when they almost put her and John Abbott togehter? White people would have lost their good sense if that happened. A BW inheriting a powerful family position on a soap opera? What? Nope. They had Jill Abbott send her ass out on a cruise that I don’t believe she ever returned from.

First of all, her name is Mamie. Mamie, people. Like Mammy. What. the. hell. Second, this was like the most exciting and anticimactic storyline ever. It could have been a "who's the mammy now!" victory but instead she took a cruise to nowhere. Third, she looks a little like Michelle Obama, no?

Hell, I’ll take any person of color at this stage. Remember the Vietnamese character Luan (pronounced “Lawn” by the cast) Jack Abbott was married to (and the mother of the one child he is ACTUALLY the father of..was his name  Keemo)? She was his wife all of 5 minutes before she was gunned down. And I still don’t know what the hell happened to Keemo.

Keemo was a chemist, Luan owned a restaurant called the Saigon Shack and Jack was Jack. We almost had it all.

And don’t even get me started on how the BP on the shows only really get to hang out with each other. Have you ever considered how incestuous the Winters/Barbers family is? I know that is something that is not uncommon for soaps but this is not stretching across many members–there are only four people in this damn square. I mean my God, the two sisters were married to each of the two brothers at one point. One of the brothers is both uncle and father to a child. That’s some foolishness right there.

I think the only BW with any familial connections (who is STILL on the show) is Lexi Dimera from Days of Our Lives. And, AND let us not forget: They are EVIL. (talk amongst yourselves on that point). Add to the fact that she’s married to the ugliest BM on daytime television and that says alot about her treatment. I mean seriously, Abe is highly unattractive and needs to let that hair go. The widow’s peak is dwindling.

No bueno Abe Carver. No bueno.